....I will be able to go on (and truly enjoy, it seems) a vacation.
....I will be able to get houses on rent more easily.
....I will cease to be asked when I plan to 'settle down'.
Before you start thinking that I have totally and irretrievably lost my marbles, dear reader, let me fill you in on the background to this post.
Scene 1 - a lazy Sunday afternoon right after getting a haircut
Moi (having called up the Mater excitedly after a brand new haircut) - Ma, ami chul katiyechi! Khub bhalo keteche, layers e (Ma, I got a haircut...they've styled it really well, in layers).
Mother (barely managing to supress an involuntary shriek) - Eeesh! Ar koyek din pore katatish... (Eeesh! You could have got the haircut after some days..)
Clueless moi - Keno? Koyekdin pore katale ki hoto? (Why? What would have happened if I got a haircut after some days?)
Extremely logical mother - Na, tor biye hoye jeto! (Nothing, you'd be married by then!)
Nugget of information as a minor aside - The wedding date is nowhere in sight...heck, even Mr. Right is nowhere in sight!
Scene 2 - another random marathon adda session with the Mother (yes, I have a lot of these adda sessions, as you can see)
Don't remember the exact conversation, but the gist of it was something to the effect that vacations are truly fun and romantic only when one is with the significant other (the "SO"), and if I visited all the places I wanted to right now in my sorry single state, what would I do when the SO finally made an appearance in my life? Romantically eat peanuts while looking deep into SO's eyes in the local train in Mumbai???
Sigh! Never mind that I have been hit by wanderlust ever since I can remember and have even allocated a week out of my measly three week permitted leave in a year to travel to new and unknown destinations :) which of course, till date, have happened only in my mind.
Scene 3 - in an apartment in Malad in earnest conversation with the owner of said apartment with me fervently hoping to make the transition from one of the many inspecting the said apartment to the one finally taking it on rent
Owner of Apartment ("OA") - So who all will be staying in this house?
Moi - Principally me, but my parents will visit me from time to time...
OA (turning to broker) - I told you I want only family type people...all these single girls...I don't want to be going to jail...
Moi (startled enough at this point to break into the conversation) - Sorry, didn't get the connection...
OA - Yes, all these single girls, they come and do all sorts of things, and then the brokers and owners have to go to jail...you know of this recent case where yada yada yada...I am also travelling most of the time, what if something happens to you yada yada yada...so bottomline is that I am very clear...yada yada yada...I want only families in this house.
Scene 4 - any time I am with family and well wishers
Concerned neighbourhood aunty/ relative/ well wisher (fill in as appropriate) ("CP" for concerned person) - So, what you doing?
Moi - I'm a lawyer, associated with a law firm in Mumbai.
CP - So how long have you been in Mumbai?
Moi - About four years now...
CP - Wow! That's a long time...yada yada yada...so when are you planning on settling down?
Moi (at least initially) - Well, I am kind of settled in a way, y'know...nice job, love the city, things are looking good if you ask me (tentative smile follows)
CP - Oh c'mon! That's not what I meant, and you know that...when are you planning on tying the knot?
This is typically followed by absolutely direct questions as to whether I am dating someone, if no, why not, if because there's no time, then maybe I should consider a lifestyle change which would give me more time for myself...at which point of time my eyes glaze over while I desperately look for the first opportunity to turn and run!
Before you draw any conclusions about me being a vehement, frothing-at-the -mouth opposer of the institution of holy matrimony, let me hasten to assure you that I am quite the romantic, with embarrasingly outdated and idealised notions of love and marriage and I would love to be married one of these days, actually fairly soon, but what really has me annoyed is the persistent denial that most people seem to face regarding a single, unattached girl, and the completely overrated position of marriage in the larger scheme of things.
To be fair to the dear mother, I think her dismay at me having got a haircut stems from her concern about my hair needing to be styled into a bun for the wedding ceremony, and (in her mind) the complete likelihood of my knight in shining armour sweeping me off my feet the day right after the hair cut, in which case, said hair would be too short to be styled into a bun....well Ma, that's not happened so far, so I've gone and gotten a haircut yet again :)
But on a more serious note, though one would have to appreciate the concern of well wishers for a single girl in terms of how it is difficult to deal with everything singlehandedly, and I'll admit that one does sometimes wish for a helping hand and smiling face to come back home to, it does get a tad annoying when people tend to look at marriage as the be all and end all of a girl's life, making it seem as if her whole life is in limbo for that one moment when knight in shining armour puts sindoor in her maang, after which the said girl would lose all identity of her own and be referred to as X ki bahu and Y ki bhabhi and Chunnu ki mami and Munnu ki chachi.
Is it really so difficult for people to accept the fact that in today's day and age, there is a sizable chunk of girls, at least in the major cities of the country, who having spent most of their waking time in the past five years or more doing things which are all designed to achieve a professional degree from a reasonably reputed college/ university, would want to spend some time on their own discovering themselves and figuring out who they are as people, as professionals and as individuals, before taking on the responsibility of another person and possibly another family? Is it really that unimaginable that a girl may want to stay alone for a while instead of making a transition from her parents' house to the hostel to the husband's/ in laws' house?
And assuming, though I am totally not inclined to believe this, that girls with thoughts like those above (a.k.a like me) are really few and far between, is it too much to ask for if I want to treated as someone in my own right? Why is it considered necessary for a girl to get married before she's considered 'settled' in life? Do financial and professional security count for nothing? Will it always be necessary that the SO (as and when he does decide to show up) be used as a defining point rather than someone who complements me and my personality?
What do you think?
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